Lightning and God's Spirit

        I have a heart for people--I want to help, I want to love. I just have a hard time putting myself out there. It's not because I don't know how--I don't know where to begin.

        I want to be the lightning--
                unpredictable;
        There is no beginning or end--
                it just happens.
        It doesn't think where it will go--
                it just goes.
        But lightning is fleeting;
                it never has a lasting effect.
        Does anything on earth last?
                Everything is but a breath--
        A peal of thunder--
                it rolls for moments, then
                        disappears...

        Since life is so brief, I want so much more to impact the people around me. It seems like an impossibility to touch people's hearts, so I find comfort in the words of Zechariah 4:6. "Then he said to me, 'This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel saying, "Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit," says the LORD of hosts.'" I looked up what the Hebrew word for Spirit meant in this context, and found that it means "wind, breath, mind, courage, blast." It usually imparts warlike energy and executive and administrative power.
        I know that I can do nothing to make someone believe. I can only trust God to work in each person's heart. Too often, I find myself like Martha., "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She has a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.'" (Luke 10:38-42).
        I need to stop doing, and start being. I, like, Martha get caught up in the preparations. I think "if I say this and this, maybe a person might come to know Christ." I think about all the ways I can try to convince someone to believe the same as me. The truth of it is if someone can be talked into something, they can just as easily be talked out of it. Becoming a Christian isn't following a series of steps and processes and then getting a "Salvation Certificate." It is stepping into God's presence, and being in an intimate relationship with God Almighty, knowing that He has saved you from the death you deserve, instead giving you eternal life with Him. Likewise, being a Christian is not about realizing you love God but realizing God loves you. It is realizing that God is near enough to you to hear the faintest whisper of a thought in your heart.
        When I come into conversation with someone who is not a Christian, I don't pray "God, give me the words to speak to them so they can know you," like I used to pray. Instead, I pray "God, let your presence be upon me so this person can feel your presence." God's Spirit is the most powerful force, so why--and how--do we forget His importance?

Arms Wide Open

        What do you think of when you hear the phrase "arms wide open"? I always pictured this: a father throwing his arms out, a child running into them, a warm and passionate embrace. It's how I envisioned my relationship with Christ, my Heavenly Father. He had his arms wide open, waiting for me to abandon myself and run into His embrace.
        I was at church recently and we sang a song by Misty Edwards called "Arms Wide Open." I had a vision that changed how I see Christ. "What does love look like?" is the question I've been pondering. / "What does love look like?" is the question I've been asking You. I've been having a hard time grasping the concept of how much God loves me. I have grown up in the church and the teachings have been engrained in my mind--"God loves you," "Jesus died for you," et cetera. But I'm trying to understand God's love on an intimate level, going beyond the cliche phrases and the routine of church.
        And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me / He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring at me / I could not escape those beautiful eyes / And I began to weep and weep. I began to vividly see what the song described. I began to see Christ's eyes, looking at me deeply, intently. In that moment I couldn't catch my breath; it hit me harder than ever before that my sin had put Him on the cross. I wept.
        He had arms wide open, a heart exposed / Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding / This is how I know what love is. My heart was pierced hearing these lyrics. Christ's arms are wide open because they were nailed that way. His arms stretched from one side of the cross's beam to the other, held there by a nail in each wrist. This is how I know what love is. Love is the perfect Son of God pouring out His blood, His life, while hanging on a tree for my sin.
        And as I sat there weeping, crying / Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love / He said to me, "You shall love Me, you shall love Me, you shall love Me."  When I first saw His eyes I thought I saw pain, sorrow, and betrayal. I felt like I had betrayed Him, as if I had personally kissed His cheek to turn Him over to the soldiers, as if I had swung the hammer that drove the nails into His flesh. But His eyes weren't blaming me. His eyes were full of desire and love for me. He died for His love for me. "This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his one and only Son into the world so that we could have life through him." (1 John 4:9) When you understand how deep and infinite His love is, you can only begin to love Him back. "You shall love Me, you shall love Me..."