The Ultimate Itch

            Temptation is the ultimate itch. Think about it. It’s there, harassing you. You just… You just gotta get it. Ahh there. Got it. But now look: You’ve got red, irritated scratch marks and it’s going to burn for a bit. At least it’s not itching though. Not too much later, there that itch is yet again. Incessant. Annoying. Yet somehow appealing, inviting. It feels absolutely impossible to ignore it. If you don’t appease it, it won’t go away. You might as well give in.

            But wait. It is possible to ignore the itch, but it’s so difficult. It takes a lot of willpower, and that’s a fact. Sometimes the itch comes at the most inconvenient time or place, and you have no choice but to ignore it. There are times when the urge to scratch is overwhelmingly strong and the itch is so awful you just want to scream in frustration.

            Now connect the dots back to temptation. We often scratch when we don’t want to and know we shouldn’t. It’s just like what Romans 7 says. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do…For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it” (verses 15, 19-20). This is the irritating temptation to scratch that seems impossible to overlook. However, God does promise us an escape. “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). When you are tempted and you feel like the only thing to do is to satisfy it, remember this: God will relieve you of your struggle if you ask for help. It seems a lot easier said than done, but the more you learn to avoid “scratching” those tempting itches, the more you build self-control and dependence on God.  

Spears in the Heart (visions)

        Let me just say this: The last couple weeks have been very draining. I have had a lot of stress from school (thank goodness I'm on break for two weeks), social situations (people can be so irritating), and family (can't live with them, can't live without them). I finally had a complete breakdown today when my dad and I had a huge fight over something pathetic (like cleaning up the house).
        I have been feeling annoyed with my dad for quite some time, but I finally snapped. It seems that he is either too absent or too controlling. We never see anything eye to eye. It seems like he is at work, on the computer playing a stupid game, watching TV, or asleep. When he's awake he's too tired to spend time with my sister or me. I'm not proud of how I acted today. I overreacted and shouldn't have raised my voice at him. I'm just glad that I didn't run out of the house like I was really tempted to do.
        My sister and I did eventually leave the house in a frenzy, tears streaming down my face. I wound up at my friend's house for a Christmas get-together. I was supposed to be picked up at nine, but I decided to just stay overnight. I really didn't want to go home.
        At midnight, my friend (Shari) and I had a heart to heart. I was a mess. I know that I need to be thankful I have a dad in the first place. I know that the family I have now is the only family I will ever have, so I need to make the most of it. It's hard though.
        Shari began to pray for me and she had a vision. She saw words piercing my heart like spears, stabbing all the way through my heart, leaving holes. As she was saying this, I started to feel like I wasn't letting the wounds heal properly, as if I was letting it fester and be more painful than ever. We continued to pray, believing God would give me the patience and grace I need to have for my family.
        We turned off the lights and were listening to worship music. Songs like Arms Wide Open by Misty Edwards (I wrote about this song), Embrace by Jake Hamilton, Oh You Bring by Hillsong United... They seemed to carry a common message about God's love...
        As I was laying there in the dark, I saw a knife come down from the ceiling and plunge into my heart. I sat there, almost in awe. It was like Shari's vision but so much more vivid and personal. The knife began to grow, becoming more like a sword. I tried and tried to pull out the sword from my own heart, but could not. I felt the pain of words spoken to me, the pain of a broken relationship with my father and with my sister... Then I saw a hand stretch down from heaven and pull the sword out of my heart and heal the wound completely. A scar was left behind, but there was no wound and no more pain. It reminded me of The Sword in the Stone, the story in which the person who pulled the sword out of the stone became king. My visions seemed to show that the King of all could pull the sword from my heart.
        I guess this can apply to all people... When we hear people speaking negative things to us, we can choose to ignore or to listen. The words they speak can be planted in our hearts as weeds and wounds that fester, or as seeds that sprout into beauty and grace. Which words will you take to heart? How will you respond to negativity?
        The hardest thing is forgiveness... I always ask God for forgiveness, but I'm reluctant to forgive others, especially family. If Dad ever reads this: I'm sorry for the times I have been disrespectful to you. I know that you're not perfect, but you don't have to be. God is my perfect Father, and that's what matters most. I forgive you. Will you forgive me?
        This conversation will be so much harder in person... Will I ever get the chance to speak this to you or will I never get around to it? Who knows?
        For now, I find comfort knowing that God is my Father in heaven, loving me, loving me, and loving me even more. Whatever my earthly dad can't do, He can do perfectly. He alone can heal the wounds in my heart and give me the peace I need.
        I encourage you to find what has injured your heart and pray for your Father to remove the pain and the wound.

Arms Wide Open

        What do you think of when you hear the phrase "arms wide open"? I always pictured this: a father throwing his arms out, a child running into them, a warm and passionate embrace. It's how I envisioned my relationship with Christ, my Heavenly Father. He had his arms wide open, waiting for me to abandon myself and run into His embrace.
        I was at church recently and we sang a song by Misty Edwards called "Arms Wide Open." I had a vision that changed how I see Christ. "What does love look like?" is the question I've been pondering. / "What does love look like?" is the question I've been asking You. I've been having a hard time grasping the concept of how much God loves me. I have grown up in the church and the teachings have been engrained in my mind--"God loves you," "Jesus died for you," et cetera. But I'm trying to understand God's love on an intimate level, going beyond the cliche phrases and the routine of church.
        And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me / He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring at me / I could not escape those beautiful eyes / And I began to weep and weep. I began to vividly see what the song described. I began to see Christ's eyes, looking at me deeply, intently. In that moment I couldn't catch my breath; it hit me harder than ever before that my sin had put Him on the cross. I wept.
        He had arms wide open, a heart exposed / Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding / This is how I know what love is. My heart was pierced hearing these lyrics. Christ's arms are wide open because they were nailed that way. His arms stretched from one side of the cross's beam to the other, held there by a nail in each wrist. This is how I know what love is. Love is the perfect Son of God pouring out His blood, His life, while hanging on a tree for my sin.
        And as I sat there weeping, crying / Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love / He said to me, "You shall love Me, you shall love Me, you shall love Me."  When I first saw His eyes I thought I saw pain, sorrow, and betrayal. I felt like I had betrayed Him, as if I had personally kissed His cheek to turn Him over to the soldiers, as if I had swung the hammer that drove the nails into His flesh. But His eyes weren't blaming me. His eyes were full of desire and love for me. He died for His love for me. "This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his one and only Son into the world so that we could have life through him." (1 John 4:9) When you understand how deep and infinite His love is, you can only begin to love Him back. "You shall love Me, you shall love Me..."

Geologists and Their Rocks

      Geologists study rocks. Rocks. Of all creation that can be studied, geologists dedicate their lives to the study of rocks. Rocks seem random and pointless. Why would anyone want to study them for hours on end? How much can be learned from rocks? Quite a lot, actually, but it doesn't require any geology.
      As strange as this seems, we are all very similar to rocks.When you look at yourself compared to the universe, you begin to feel very small and valueless. In the grand scheme of things, we all seem to be worthless and unworthy, unimportant and unuseful. Why should God pay attention to us at all? God sees us differently than we view ourselves and each other. Instead of seeing us as insignificant, He sees as beautiful creatons--His creations. He spends an infinite amount of time just being with us, and being an active part of our lives. And what's great is that He never gets bored with us, like a geologist who enjoys what he does. On TV, we see all sorts of nerdy scientists who are overly emphatic about what they do. All they can talk about is their most recent scientific study or how science applies to every moment of the day. God is, in a way, like that. He is passionate for you.
      John 3:16 is probably the most quoted verse from the Bible. "For God so loved the world..." The world. Many times, we forget that we are part of the world referred to in this verse. We forget about the personal love God feels for every individual. The world is such a collective word. It's easy to get lost in the collective world and not realize God has a relationship with every individual, with you, with me. If I wrote the Bible, I might have written it "For God so loved you and me and everybody else.."
      On the beach, each grain of sand is a miniature rock. The world is like that endless shore of countless miniature rocks. No one ever stops to care about each grain of sand. Yet God, the passionate God He is, looks at each grain of sand--at you and me--and adores it.

Mirrors

Genesis 1:27
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."

Nehemiah 9:28-29
"But as soon as they had rest, they again did what was evil. So you left them to their enemies who ruled over them. When they cried out to you again, you heard from heaven. Because of your mercy, you saved them again and again [28]. You warned them to return to your teachings, but they were proud and did not obey your commands. If someone obeys your laws, he will live, but they sinned against your laws. They were stubborn, unwilling, and disobedient [29]."

      These two verses look like they have absolutely nothing in common, nor do they appear to have any relation to mirrors. However, I think I can prove otherwise.

      From the very beginning of our American lives, we are trained to look into mirrors. Many societies have no such device, nor do they have a need for mirrors. In America, we are a vain people. Over the course of our lives, we spend countless hours staring deeply into our reflection, trying to correct the imperfections, hide the flaws, and make our appearance better overall. It is extremely likely that girls spend more time in front of the mirror than guys, but we are all guilty of some level of vanity.
      But this obsession of looking into mirrors is not innate; little children have to learn how to use mirrors. At first, most children are confused by the person looking back at them. For all they know, it could be another person; it is impossible for a young child to recognize himself in a mirror. It takes a long process of sitting in front of a mirror, holding up a hand, and watching the reflection do the same. After a while, it starts to register in the brain that this reflection is you. From then on out, the person is constantly looking in the mirror, searching for imperfections and wishing to be better.
      Genesis 1:27 says God made us in His image. He made us to be a reflection of Him: when He looks into our world, He should be able to see Himself staring back. But He doesn't. It's very similar to Through the Looking Glass, where Alice stepped through her mirror and entered a world that is the complete opposite of the real world. God reached into our world by sending Jesus, and by doing this, Jesus entered a world that was the complete opposite of the world it reflects. We were made to be reflections of God and our actions should mimic His, similar to how the image in a mirror can do nothing without the movement of the thing it reflects.
      Our failure to reflect God is comparable to a broken mirror--it is a broken image of the beauty it reflects. God should be able to look at this world and be proud of what He sees: a world of love and mercy. However, He looks at it and can see all of its imperfections. Yes, He continues to love the world He created, despite the cracks in the image. But why should we take advantage of His never-ending love?
      Count up all the times you sinned--every wrong thought, every wrong word or action, that you did or will do--and you will start to see what a broken fragment of a mirror you are. Now try to count up all the times God has had mercy on you, all the times He loved you. It would be an impossible task. We continue to fail, but God's love never ends, never fails. Nehemiah 9:28-29 describes a cycle that the Israelites went through, and that every human goes through. We rebel and when the situation becomes sticky, we cry for God's help. God helps us, and we respond with more rebellion (and the cycle continues). Yet, despite our failures, God keeps loving us. He never gives up on us, He does not grow weary with us.
      What if we reflected God's love, His infinite and perfect love? Instead of being a shattered mirror, each person would reflect God's heart and live like Christ. The world would cease to exist as the backwards and broken image, but the true reflection of God, the way He intended us to be. God would be able to look at the world He created in His image and see clearly His reflection.